Silence and Stillness
by always-a-hp-girl
Summary: Post-War Dramione


Draco pulled his lips into his mouth, trying not to make any sound. He had ran from the Great Hall, too overwhelmed with his own emotions. It was his last year, as he had returned for it after the war. He had changed dramatically. He was no longer the cocky, uptight bully he had been known for his past years at school. He was now a shy boy who mostly kept to himself. He regretted his decisions. The decisions that weren't even his, he was only forced into the things he did. He hated his father, but he knew the Dark Lord never gave mercy to anyone. His mother always tried to protect him. Keep him an innocent child. He loved her for that. But he still had the dark mark. Along with every other Death Eater. Like everyone else, he and his family had tried to get rid of theirs. Of course, it didn't work. So he cut over it. Cut his skin deeply so it would create a large scar. Since Voldemort was no longer alive, it didn't move and cover the scars so it was visible again. Now he had most of it covered, bumps hiding the disgusting burn. He turned a corner sharply, hearing footsteps behind him. He wiped his face and sniffed as he sped up. The last thing he wanted was to talk to someone. All he wanted to do was get back up to Slytherin tower and hide in his dorm until Monday.

Hermione had changed after the war too. She was a lot quieter, less of what people would call a "know-it-all" Naturally, she was back at Hogwarts to finish her education, but she no longer had her hand up in class. Instead she would just sit and work in silence. Hogwarts was lonely without Harry and Ron. How much she had begged and pleaded them to come back with her.

"Come back with me, please? Come back to Hogwarts?" She had asked her new boyfriend Ron

"'Mione, it's burned down!" Ron had laughed. Harry had flat out refused due to the fact that Ginny had left and he didn't feel the need.

It was rebuilt now, looking the same as ever. But there was still this emptiness. She was probably the only one that felt it too. She went from class to class, prefect duty and Head Girl duty, but that was it. She was drifting. She didn't know how to fix this problem either.

Draco gasped for air quietly, speeding up into a run. He managed to trip over his own feet, causing him to fall. "Shit," he hissed, getting up and ducking behind a pillar, tears dripping from his jaw to his shirt as he tried to keep quiet.

"Who's there?" he heard someone call. Hermione Granger was on Prefect Duty, checking the halls for students out of bed.

Draco swallowed in some air, resting his head against the stone. He licked his dry and salty lips, sniffling softly as he covered his mouth so he wouldn't make any noise, bowing his head.

"Who's there?" Hermione repeated. He saw the light of her wand come closer in minutes he was about to be discovered. "Oh." She said upon finding him. She nodded curtly. "Malfoy."

Draco kept his head down, trying his very best to keep from breaking into a sob or sniffle. He curled his hand slowly into the shirt on his chest.  
"What are you up to at this late hour?" demanded Hermione

Draco opened his mouth slowly, taking in a slow breath. "Just leave me be." he said quietly.

"Can't, Malfoy." She said formally. "Prefect duties."

"Then just give me detention and leave." he responded slowly, surprised he'd held up this well so far.

"Fine." she snapped. "Hey, what's on your arm?"

"Leave me be, please.." Draco whispered, pulling it to his chest protectively.

"Malfoy, if you want to talk..."  
"I don't want to talk."

"It's affected me too, you know?"

"I said I don't want to talk." Draco repeated, keeping his head between his knees. She sat down next to him. Draco stayed quiet, taking in slow, deep breaths. She put an arm around him to comfort him. "Why are you doing this?" He moaned.  
There was a silence. "No one deserves to be left alone." She condoned, "no matter whose side they were on." He didn't reply. Hermione sighed and reached over setting a hand on his back rubbing slow soft circles. Her mother always had done it when she was upset and it always made her feel better. The fact it was Draco didn't matter. He wasn't the same man any more.  
"Will you please just leave me be?" he whispered.  
"Really? You the darkness is better?" No response. "That's what I thought." She studied his face again. "You're not the only one who's scared, you know?"  
"Granger, just… go."  
"Fine, but just know if you need someone to talk to –"  
"Ok." He said in a final sort of way. She knew he wouldn't take her up on her offer. Stopping in an alcove she sat down and pulled her knees to her chest. To tell the truth she missed the old Draco. This new one made her chest ache and she couldn't figure out why she wanted to help him.

A pair of Slyhterins spared a fleeting glance at Draco as they passed threw the common room. He was nothing more then their fallen prince, no longer worth their time. Hermione sat in the same spot until the faintest traces of the sun rise could be seen on the horizon. Pushing herself up she headed to her room.

Days passed. Hermione was still in her stupor, as was Draco. The closest Hermione had felt a connection to anyone was when she attempted to help Draco out. Draco, though he'd never admit it, was in agreeance. But he couldn't go to her. Not now. She'd never forgive him now.

For days she had been trying to catch his eye, he'd blatantly ignore her and sulk. Finally, one day she cornered him, held on to his hand as he was passing, asking to talk one again, implying that she knew he needed company. "You're wrong" He replied. "I want to be alone"

Her hand dropped off his arm. "Sorry…"As he was walking away he heard a sob escape her. Great now he'd made the mudbl-Granger cry  
"I'm sorry." he said, stopping, but not turning around  
Hermione wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry about what happened to you Draco, I just wish you would let me help."  
"No one can." he admitted darkly.  
"Try me." She said fiercely, He had to do it. He had to make her feel guilty so she would have to leave him alone.

"You wouldn't understand!" she snapped. "Your side won!"  
"I watched some of my closest friends die too. Just because I wasn't on your side doesn't mean I don't understand."  
"Yeah?" he retorted. "You don't have to live the rest of your life shame"  
"Neither do you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. At one point you were the only student who could keep up with me in our classes. Be him again. Be the amazing wizard who has a life at the ministry again or the amazing seeker who could play professionally." Tears were streaming down her cheeks again.  
He was in a shocked silence. "You...you thought I was smart? and...talented?"  
**"**I still do"  
Draco was silent. He didn't know what to say. "I think I'll just.." he cleared his throat "be going"  
"Could you just sit with me for awhile?"  
He stopped. He turned to look at her tear-stricken face. He could have kicked himself, but "all right." he agreed and sat with her. "What do you want, Granger?"  
"Company."  
"Yeah," He thought about it. "I suppose it does get a bit lonely around here…"  
There was a silence.  
"Draco?"  
"Yes?"  
"Are you going to be okay?"  
"I have no choice do i?"  
More silence.  
"Will you be okay?" She asked, hoping he picked up the subtle difference  
"I don't know, Hermione. I really don't…"  
"Talk to me.."  
"What would you bloody like to know? My father's in prison, my mother is in St. Mungos with a life-threatening condition. I used to work for Voldemort, and now I don't have a home and I'm trying to cut this Mark off my arm."  
Hermione tried to hide the shock on her face. "Is your mum going to be okay..?" she tried again. "Look, everyone's forgiven you, I promise, and if they haven't, they will. And…if you need a place to stay…" What was she doing? Surely she wasn't offering him refuge…  
"Hermione, can I just go?" He whispered bitterly. "I don't know, okay. I just don't know." Hermione felt her entire face fall. She nodded. This was the third time he had refused to talk to her. She promised herself that she would never initiate a conversation with Draco Malfoy again, she thought to herself bitterly as she entered the Common Room.  
Nosy Granger, she just didn't understand! He kept repeating to himself in his bed that night.  
Days turned into weeks that passed. When would this bloody term end? This was the first time she honestly didn't want any part of Hogwarts. Maybe Harry was right. Maybe it was a mistake coming back. She thought to Harry, and Ginny, and Ron. She had always put off the task of writing to them and now it had been months since they'd heard from her. She couldn't write now…it'd be much too awkward. Besides, she had nothing to say to them, other than "you were right." In addition, they were probably all having the time of their lives without her.  
Meanwhile, Draco couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and worst of all could barely talk. No one understood. Everywhere he went he'd just get stares. He was sick of it. One night after overhearing a particularly bad group of gossiping first-years he decided to find an empty corridor and cry. Was there no sympathy? He hated to think it but maybe she was right…  
Hermione had primarily made the library her home. She was always the first in and the last to leave. One night, fifteen minutes after the library closed she found herself halfway back to the Common Room, when the staircase she was on started to move. She found herself is a darkened, narrow corridor. What was worse was that she could hear sobbing. "Lumos" she whispered.  
"W-who's there?" she heard Draco call out. "P-p-please don't hurt me! I'm sorry!"  
"Nox" she said, so he wouldn't think she was stalking him. "I wont hurt you" she tried to make her voice sound as comforting, but indistinguishable as possible.  
"I just wish I had just listened to Hermione…" he added as if he was giving a monologue  
"What did she say?"  
"She told me to accept help. I wish I did! I miss her now."  
"Lumos." She let her wand illuminate her face as much as possible for stepping forward in front of him.  
"What did she say?"  
"She told me to accept help. I wish I did! I miss her now."  
"Lumos." She let her wand illuminate her face as much as possible for stepping forward in front of winced, as Hermione's face appeared not far from his. He didn't expect her at all and he blushed slightly as he remembered that he's just told her that he misses her.  
"I ... didn't mean it ..." he stammered, worried about her reaction.  
She looked at him with half-awe and half-confusion. It sort looked she was about to burst out laughing...or into tears. "Draco..." she reached out to grab his shoulder, but decided to stop what she was doing halfway, letting her arm linger in the was yet another silence. He didn't know what to say. He truly wanted to talk to her but on the other hand, she was the smart Gryffindor that he's been despising all his life in front of his friends. And what would his father say? He wiped away the tears and spoke quietly, with barely a whisper: "How are you feeling?"  
"Honestly.." she had actually considered it, telling him all about everything. How she'd pushed away her friends, family, how she felt at a loss...but he was right: who was she to complain when her side won? Besides he was just being polite. She knew he had no desire to actually talk to her, he wouldn't have pushed her away three times prior to this if it was any other way. "...I'm fine. Doing much better. And...yourself?" It was her turn to notice the tearstains on his cheeks  
"I'm okay I guess ..." he said. "It could be much worse." He knew deep inside that if Death Eaters won, everything would be much different - and not better at all. Draco and his family would become Voldemort's most loyal servants but they wouldn't be free - they would live in fear all their life. And Draco was happy that it ended like it did, even though he would rather die than telling that to anybody. Hermione nodded. She wondered how much hidden subtext the both of them were missing**. **Draco lifted his head so he was now looking directly at her eyes. He suddenly felt like he should say something to her; explain something about himself to her. He had a terrible feeling that she was thinking horrible things about him - he didn't know why he cares about that so much, but he couldn't help himself.  
"I was supposed to kill Dumbledore." He took a deep breath. He had this in his head for a long time now. "But I couldn't kill him. At first I thought I was a coward, and everyone else thought so. But after all that fighting at Hogwarts I realized what the truth is - I think I'm just not a killer. I think I'm better than that." The same moment as he said it, he regretted. But now the words were spoken and it was too late…  
"You are. Draco, all this time, I've been trying to get this across to you... You're so much more than your past." Draco blinked. He knew Hermione was a kind person, but he never expected her to be so forgiving. Especially because he used to be a Death Eater ...  
"I ... thank you," was all he could say. She reached out and hugged was another surprise for Draco. But he couldn't resist. He winded his arms around her warm pulled her head up and looked at him, and she smiled her first, genuine smile in many, many months. **  
**He moved closer to her - her smile was somehow so disarming. Finally, their lips touched gently.  
Though it wasn't like their problems would be solved - magically or not - this was what they both needed. No longer did the two of them feel alone, or like outsiders in the Wizarding World. They were complete and partners, and so they would face the world together.


End file.
